Family Feud

[azskyman]

It seems so easy on the surface.

Brothers and sisters, moms and dads. Why is it so difficult to accomplish two simple tasks...loving them unconditionally and getting along with them... even for just a holiday dinner or birthday party.

Sometimes it seems we must have grown up in different houses with different parents. It just doesn't seem possible that the same value systems and same lifestyle that we had as kids could so affect others in the family in such different ways.

I have but one older sister. We were a family of four. And I, for one, am lucky enough to have had a very close relationship with her all my life. Testy at times, but healthy and loving nonetheless.

My wife, on the other hand, has a sister and two brothers. And the four of them ride the roller coaster every time they so much as get together for a birthday or other celebration. Like mixing oil and water with her older brother. Even from 1400 miles away.

Any among you who have a troubled relationship with your parents, brothers, sisters? Or are you one of the lucky ones without troubled waters?

[azsnowman]

OH YES....I've told the story a few times so I will not go into details here, it's my father, I've not spoken to him in over 1.5 years now. I have 2 sis's, we get along GREAT in spite of the way they USE to treat me! They SWEAR that they use to feed my dead flys from the window seal when I was 2 years old...EEWWWW!

Dennis

[Arizwx]

This one is too close to home..I respectfully 'pass'.

[Lindaloo]

I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers. There are only three sisters that I get along with and I get along with one brother. One of the sisters I do not get along with is very selfish and the other sister is a pathological liar. They both treated their husbands like slaves and would say mean things to them for as long as I could remember. Neither one of them deserve children. Both of my parents are retired, but my brother still tries to use them as his personal ATM. He does not get the fact that they are on a fixed income. Yes they have ample retirement funds but when they take a big chunk out of it they have NO WAY of putting it back. Their retirement nest egg is theirs and they have worked long and hard to build it for their golden years!! I could go on and on, but I feel you get my meaning here.

[wx247]

I get "along" with my sisters. I am very close to one, who has a medical condition. I also get along well with my mother and other sister. It is my father who I no longer have any contact with. After his divorce from my mom, he kind of went off the deep end and I refuse be in an environment where I don't feel safe.

[Stephanie]

FORTUNATELY for me, I get along well with my two younger brothers and with both of my parents, even though they are divorced.

[Amanzi]

I have one brother who is 5 years older than me. I have never been very close to him, he treats my parents in a dispicable way, so he is not on my list of "friends" My mom and Dad are as different as night and day. I get on very well with both of them on different levels. My Mom is truly my best friend, we are very close, and being away from her has been very hard on me. We buy the same kind of clothes and have the same taste in furniture etc. We even sit the same way have the same facial expressions and use the same gesutres when we talk. I am very lucky to have had the kind of relationship I do with my Mom. I really do consider it a blessing.

[stormraiser]

Don't ask me any details, because for the most part this happened before I was born.

My dad has a sister that I didn't even know existed until about 14 years ago, at my uncle's funeral. She was there and everyone acknowledged her existence. I guess there were problems with my grandparents and great grandparents over whether she would go to public or Catholic school. She (being the youngest child) was a bit spoiled by my great grandparents. My grandparents basically gave her to them, because that is what she wanted, but my Aunt Linda booted her out of the family.

[sunny shine]

Amanzi... I am like you alot as far as my Mom is concerned. She is my best friend and we are alot alike. Have the same heart too. However, I look exactly like my Dad whom I also love very much. He is very comical and will do anything for you. On my birthday I always buy them a gift because I feel that they gave me the birth to celebrate.

[CajunMama]

I have 2 older brothers. I talk to both of them but they absolutely hate each other and do not speak to each other. Middle son was the "favored" child" and recieved almost everything that my parents owned. Oldest son was disinherited by my father. Middle son still has all the contents of my parents house (parents are both deceased & we sold the house almost 4 years ago). His wife has more of my mothers personal items than I do. I will probably have to sue him to get possession of the items I would like to have to remember my parents by.

Life is too short and precious to be feuding among family.

[sunny shine]

I have 2 older brothers. I talk to both of them but they absolutely hate each other and do not speak to each other. Middle son was the "favored" child" and recieved almost everything that my parents owned. Oldest son was disinherited by my father. Middle son still has all the contents of my parents house (parents are both deceased & we sold the house almost 4 years ago). His wife has more of my mothers personal items than I do. I will probably have to sue him to get possession of the items I would like to have to remember my parents by.

Life is too short and precious to be feuding among family.

My heart goes out to you CajunMama.

[CajunMama]

Thanks Laurie! I just wish they would grow up. They're in their 40's & 50's!

I get one's version, then the others and inbetween all that there is the TRUTH!

[pojo]

Don't be surprised if this turns into a novel...

My parents were divorced when I was in Kindergarten...and being a daddy's girl that I am, I always wanted to be with my dad. My mom married within a short time after the divorce and is still with my Rick today. Although my parents have joint custody, my mom has live-in custody. Rick and I get along, but there are times that tempers flared. This caused a rebelling atmosphere to blossom. I was a mirror image of my mother. Rebelled when times weren't right, which happened to be frequently.

You see, my little brother, whom is EXACTLY 4 years younger than me, received everything that he wanted! Yes, my brother and I get along quite well, but it was the double standard that I hated. I had to work for things that I wanted, while they were given to my brother. He had permission to leave school to go hunting, while my mom threw a fight when my dad took me out of school to go to Key West, FL for Spring Break. Another story pertaining the removal of my wisdom teeth was a couple of days before my Spring Break trip, but I'm not getting into that because it was just a mean lady fest between everyone...and I mean it! My mom controlled the colleges that I went to...nothing out of state. It had to be in-state. There were many reasons behind that, all of which I'm not getting into.

A couple of days before my high school graduation, I moved into my dad's house. I know it broke my mother's heart to see me leave, but we weren't getting along. Until last summer, my mom and I barely talked...I'd show up for family get-togethers, but that was about it.

My dad recently got married to a wonderful lady named Kathy. I love her and one of her daughters to death, but its her eldest daugher that wrecks EVERYTHING! You name it, it was stolen right under my dad's or my eyes. She would walk all over everyone...mean lady and scream if something did not go her way! (she is EVIL!)

But after I lived through the summer of HELL at my dad's, I realized that you can't keep family members, especially your own mother, at bay. Slowly, but surely, the relationship between my Mom, Rick and I has blended again. Its not oil and water anymore.

I come home on weekends to work at Neenah-Menasha Y, and sometimes I stay with my Dad and Kathy, but other weekends I stay with my Mom and Rick. There really is nothing going on at UWGB during weekends, so it is a norm to see maybe at 2/3 of the on-campus residents gone for the weekend. My dad will yell at me for not staying on campus, but there is nothing do to...We are 5 minutes away from Green Bay and in the middle of a corn field and an environmental reserve!

[ColdFront77]

My siblings and parents get along extremely well. I am the youngest of five. My three brothers will be 33, 31 and 30, this year and my [only] sister will be 32.

There have never been any problems aside from the occasional minor flare up, but even those are meaningless. It was hard to move away from such a close knit family in June 2000. My parents wanted to move, more so my father... to get away from the southern New England winters; he really hates snow and ice. However, one of my brother's and (his wife; my sister-in-law) moved from Wheeling, West Virginia to Melbourne, Florida the first week in December.

I am more a family person, than having friends. I really never actually had friends. Many who I knew from school I considered friends, but I never had any place to go with them, as I am not a social person.

I have gotten used to living here in central Florida, despite being about 1,200 miles away from "home." I have gotten used to living here, although there isn't much to do, places to go, because my father doesn't drive much anymore and my mother and I do not drive at all. She used to drive in the town I grew up in, in the 1980's and 1990's. I don't feel comfortable driving and I have sensitive eyes in bright areas, which wouldn't make it such a good idea, anyway.

I always hated phones... I never had any reason to use them. So, I don't call my siblings.. There really isn't anything specific that comes to mind to say to them... I am sure this has something to do with not growing up using it occasionally. However, in the last month I have taken a few calls from two people I met online; twice from each one.

If and when my siblings are online I correspond with them. I am truly looking forward to my two week visit back home on Tuesday, May 27th to see them and many members of my extended family... both my mother and father's side are large and many of them are in their 60's and 70's.

[streetsoldier]

I'm the 4th of 5 (oldest is a brother, two older sisters and one younger brother), but the only one I keep in regular contact with is my oldest sister, living in NJ.

Family gatherings go well, as long as they are spaced 10 years apart, and we're only together for 1-3 days at most; anything past that time, and the 50-year-old "battle lines" surface again... with my NJ sister and myself on one side, the other sister and younger brother opposite, with "big" brother "playing" both sides.

[vbhoutex]

As a spoiled rotten only child I find this topic interesting to read. It does resurface memories of the bad times with the Sis-in-law, but we do tolerate her and for that matter love her. Just don't like the way she acts sometimes, okay a lot of the time.

My "family problem" is my Mom. I have not spoken to her in 3 months now. It seems I was always the one to call and when she was tired of hearing what I was saying, she would cut the conversation short. I got , I Aunt and Uncle in Cali. She has yet to ask me if I have found a job and has not responded to phone calls from my daughter about a wayward Christmas present yet even though I have even emailed her about it. She is busy with the church, which is good, and has plenty of friends to pal around with. I know she is alive since she does open the emails I send. But that is about all I know right now. The ball is in her court, if there is a court.

[streetsoldier]

Speaking of E-mails...the only time I do hear from my younger brother is (being the die-hard Clintonista he is) when he either sends me a copy of a "letter to the editor" he wrote bashing Bush, the war, whatever...or links to every nutcase radical rag in the Western Hemisphere. :o

I scrupulously decline rebuttal or comment, as it quickly devolves into angry diatribe from him without a shred of concrete evidence...and I have better things to do. "Delgado's Dictum" applies herein..."ATF", or "Appease the Fool", since there is no possible way in which he will entertain any stance which does not mirror his own.

[sunny shine]

Too funny streetsoldier... I have a brother in law like that. My Dad would have to hear his liberal views all the time, but my Dad would just keep quiet. Well one afternoon he could not do that any longer. He told my brother in law (finally I might add) that he gets his info from the National Enquirer. LOL. I mentioned this because with your sense of humor this story fits you. and it worked too.

[azskyman]

David...I'd just say a couple of things to your comment about the ball being in "your mom's court."

I understand that the next move is hers...that the burden for that must always seem like it is one way. And perhaps...even probably...that is true.

Still, as a guy who lost his mom to a stroke when I was in my 20's, I'd share my brief story.

For three weeks before her untimely death, she and I had not spoken. She was angry at me...frustrated with a decision I had made, but down right angry. So angry, in fact, that she did not speak to Kathy or I.

The week she had her stroke, we had planned to tell her that Kathy was pregnant...the good news that she was going to be a grandma again. But her anger, and my take that the "ball was in her court" kept us from having a needed healing conversation.

And then the stroke...followed by a comatose state...another stroke...and her passing. Made worse, of course, by the unresolved issue and wasted last breaths.

I ask you to consider such a scenario David...and if you are ok with it as is...and she may be too, then perhaps it is well enough to leave alone. But if not...consider the long term emptiness of an unresolved issue or two. Although not a huge burden to me over the years, it is still unsettling...even after 31 years since her passing.

Steve

[streetsoldier]

sunny shine,

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for me to refute "li'l bro's sorry @$$", I encourage him to refer to Plato's "Republic" and Aristotle's commentary thereon...or to Niccolo Machiavelli, Thomas Locke, Thomas Wolfe, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Alexis de Tocqueville, or the minutes of the Constitutional Convention and/or the "Federalist Papers", etc., etc. before responding, specifically enumerating the chapter and verse for his review.

HIS lack of response only serves to underscore his academic laziness.