Say What??? ~The Classifieds~

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southerngale
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Say What??? ~The Classifieds~

#1 Postby southerngale » Thu May 08, 2003 3:51 pm

The following were taken from newspapers around the country. Some are classified ads, some are store ads and a few are headlines:

(the last one is my favorite) :lol:

-----------------------------------------


FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.


1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/obo


AMANA WASHER $100
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.


SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.


FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPERD - PART DOG


2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
One 5-finger, One 3-finger, $15/pair


TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX,
COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1998 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800


COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO I GAY BULL FOR SALE.


83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000


STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15


SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents


GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.


FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.


FREE I CAN PORK & BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.


NORDIC TRACK $300, HARDLY USED
CALL CHUBBIE


BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"


SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS


FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE...
BETTER BE REWARD.


HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"


GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.


HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB


GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.


NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED -
USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED


FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.


AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100


TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.


NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN
ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE:
PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.
ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.


EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175


OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300


LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.



ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER


GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.


GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.


BAR S SLICED BALOGNA - REGULAR OR TASTY
SAVE 30 cents on 2


OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS


KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box


FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.


FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed. Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.
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#2 Postby Rainband » Thu May 08, 2003 3:58 pm

Those were great!!! :lol: :wink:
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#3 Postby mf_dolphin » Thu May 08, 2003 3:58 pm

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
One 5-finger, One 3-finger, $15/pair


Was that an oops?! :-)
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#4 Postby bfez1 » Thu May 08, 2003 6:11 pm

Funny!!! :lol:
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#5 Postby deb_in_nc » Thu May 08, 2003 6:49 pm

I wonder if anyone bought the parachute. If they did I wonder if they used it. Also I might want to buy the flag. A real collectors item. LOL.

Debbie
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#6 Postby JCT777 » Thu May 08, 2003 7:21 pm

Great list! You would think a dog that can speak German might be worth a little more than "FREE". LOL! :cheesy:
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weatherlover427

#7 Postby weatherlover427 » Thu May 08, 2003 7:39 pm

ROTFL That's hilarious. :lol:
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#8 Postby pojo » Thu May 08, 2003 9:04 pm

:rofl:
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#9 Postby coriolis » Thu May 08, 2003 9:33 pm

If it's in stock we have it.

Of all the posts I've ever read, that's definitely one of them!
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#10 Postby Amanzi » Thu May 08, 2003 11:16 pm

That has to be the funniest list I have ever read! I really do have tears streaming down my face.... sorry but I find those hysterical.
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#11 Postby stormraiser » Fri May 09, 2003 1:55 pm

My word. I had to stop reading, because the others in the office were wondering what was going on at my desk. :lol: :o 8-)
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